Valentine’s Surprise, Not for Me

On Valentine's Day, I got a huge delivery order to a hotel.

Two boxes of condoms. Plus a lingerie set. Delivery fee: a hundred bucks.

I rushed over through the freezing wind, only to hear my wife's voice through the door, talking to another man.

"Six condoms. You're not leaving until we use them all," she said, teasing.

They were so eager they hadn't even closed the door all the way.

I didn't go in. I didn't say a word. I just sat in the hallway and smoked an entire pack.