Chapter 3

I was about to explain I wasn't performing.

Then I remembered. Every explanation I had ever given, they ignored.

I lowered my head. "You're right, Xander. And may I ask why you've come all the way here? Was it specifically to watch me perform?"

Xander paused. "Don't flatter yourself. Today is Jade's birthday. She said recently that she's willing to forgive you and be friends again. I came to bring you to her."

Three days ago, word had spread that the Commander intended to name Jade his successor.

He had arranged a ceremony at the base on her birthday to make it official.

I was one year older than her.

That was a promise Ethan Dad had made to me when I was ten — that one day, I would lead after him.

In the past, if anyone tried to take something of mine, I would have burned the whole place down before letting them have it.

Now I simply looked at Xander without expression.

"I don't want to go."

Xander paused. Then he said, "That's not your choice to make."

He grabbed me by the arm and hauled me out.

He shoved me into the SUV and drove toward the command hall.

Sitting in the SUV, Xander talked into my ear the entire time.

I needed to kneel when I saw Jade.

I needed to stop angering her.

My chest ached quietly.

I watched the road blur faster and faster outside.

The thought of seeing my mother grew louder and louder in my mind.

I stood up, shoved the door open, and jumped.

Before I hit the ground, I heard a shout.

I thought, at this speed, I would finally manage it.

Instead of the impact I expected, I fell into something warm.

Xander had caught me. We rolled across the ground twice together.

His furious voice broke over my head.

"Lily. Are you insane?"

I looked at him.

Blood from a cut on his forehead ran down his face.

I reached up to wipe it away.

His expression turned vicious.

"Can you stop this? You just want to see if I still care about you. I'm telling you right now, rescuing you means nothing. I would have done the same for any stranger. If I'd known what you were thinking, I never would have jumped."

"From now on, if you want to die, go ahead. I'm not stopping you."

My hand froze in the air.

From the corner of my eye, I spotted the lake just off the road.

I smiled faintly.

"Okay, Xander. Remember what you said."

Before he could react, I was on my feet.

I turned and threw myself into the water.

Xander had nearly drowned as a child. Water was his one fear.

And he had just said those words.

He was not coming in after me.

So when the freezing water rushed into my lungs, I felt nothing but relief.

Finally. I was going to see Mom.