Chapter 1

Two days after I was born, my mother gave me away.

My parents already had a daughter. In our family, I was the unnecessary one.

When I was seven, they came to bring me home from my aunt’s house.

I sat in the car, nervously clutching my clothes.

I wondered if Mom would give me a warm hug when she saw me for the first time,

or maybe even a kiss.

But the tender scene I imagined never happened.

Mom was holding my baby brother. She swept me a scornful glance.

“If I hadn’t gotten sick giving birth to you, my body wouldn’t be in this condition.”

“I brought you home so you could take care of your brother. Don’t think you have a place in this family.”

Desperate for my mother’s love, I tried everything I could to make up for my existence.

It wasn’t until I collapsed while working, my consciousness fading, that I realized I was about to die.

I smiled in relief.

Mom, from now on, I’ll never be a burden to you again.

“Hannah, your dad and I need to talk to you about something. You know we’ve been relying on those fields to barely put all three of you through school.

“After your dad’s accident, not only did we spend all our savings, but his leg may never recover enough for him to work the land again. So your dad and I discussed renting out our fifteen acres next year.

“But even then, the money probably won’t be enough to support all three of you in school.

“I’ve thought about it from every angle. Maybe you should stop after middle school. But I know you’re still young, so I won’t make you go work.

“Your aunt said trade school is pretty good. You can learn a skill and find a job after graduation. Why don’t you go to trade school?”

My mother’s words struck me like a bolt of lightning. I froze, then finally asked the question I had kept buried for so long.

“Mom? If I were your oldest daughter, would you let me go to high school?”

Mom frowned and looked at me coldly.

“What does your sister have to do with this? She didn’t happen to be around when our family had problems. You did. That’s all.”

What a perfunctory answer.

When my older sister failed her high school entrance exam, she only had to act spoiled. Mom sold grain and spent money to send her to high school.

I had passed the exam, but I still wasn’t allowed to go.

“Mom, I still want to go to high school. Please let me. I’ll work hard and get into a good college. Then I’ll find a good job and take care of you and Dad. Please, don’t make me go to trade school.”

Mom clearly hadn’t expected me to refuse. She frowned and scolded me.

“How can you be so selfish? Look at our family! How can you only think about yourself? Do you think it’s easy for your dad and me to support all three of you?”

“Especially you! I got sick giving birth to you, and I’ve never been healthy since. Now your dad is like this too. Can’t you be more understanding? Are you trying to kill us?”

I almost laughed. Who was forcing whom? They were the ones forcing me!

“No matter what you say, I’m going to high school. If I have to, I’ll pay for it myself. I’ll collect recyclables during my breaks. You won’t have to worry about me.”

As expected, my words earned me another tirade.

“How can you be so selfish? I never should have given birth to an ungrateful daughter like you! When you were little and stayed with your aunt, we paid her a hundred dollars every month for your formula. Did I ever mistreat you?

“When you got older, I sent sack after sack of food over there because I was afraid you’d go hungry.

“How much hardship have I endured for you? How many sacrifices have I made? How can you be so inconsiderate?”

My whole body went cold. My eyes burned.

It was always this. She had only ever said this to me.

I held back my tears and looked at Mom.

“Have you blamed me enough yet?”

“Was I the one who made you give me away?”

“If I’d had a choice, I wouldn’t have been born either. And I never wanted to spend every day being blamed by you!”