Chapter 3

I did exactly as Mom wanted and enrolled in trade school.

It was close to home. I could get there by bike in twenty minutes.

The school had a terrible reputation. Students wearing heavy makeup and dating were everyday sights.

Some parents refused to send their kids there because they were afraid they would be corrupted.

My parents weren’t worried. They thought it was the perfect place for me.

Besides, with my personality, I wouldn’t have changed no matter where they sent me.

I gave up completely.

Because I was shy, I kept to myself at school and numbingly studied the early childhood education program Mom had chosen for me. I only cared about finding a job after graduation.

Trade school gave me more free time. Classes ended at noon every Friday, so I had even more time to go home and work in the fields and do housework.

My life became a stagnant pool. I moved through each day mechanically, barely alive.

In the blink of an eye, my little sister grew up and started middle school. Her grades were excellent—she was always in the top five in her class.

Mom proudly bragged to the neighbors that her youngest daughter was brilliant.

My little sister was considerate. Whenever she was home, she helped with chores and followed me around.

“Hannah, is there anything I can help you with?”

Every time, Mom would call her away.

“Let your sister handle it. Go study.”

Not long afterward, my older sister went to college.

She attended a two-year school and studied environmental design. Since she needed a computer for her major, Mom and Aunt Diane borrowed several thousand dollars to buy her a laptop.

Watching my sister hold that brand-new laptop, purchased with borrowed money, left me with complicated feelings.

So borrowing money wasn’t that difficult after all.

It just depended on who needed it.

Soon, I graduated from trade school and began my internship.

My grades were good, and I was quiet and reliable. A preschool came to recruit teachers, so I started working at a private preschool for a monthly internship salary of $1,800.

I clearly remembered how excited Mom was when I received my first paycheck.

She patted my shoulder proudly.

“My daughter is earning money now! She doesn’t need her parents to support her anymore. Our family has another source of income. Your sister will have spending money next month too!”

It was the first time Mom had ever shown any approval of me.

But I couldn’t feel happy.

My heart was as still as a pool of dead water.

Mom took my entire paycheck, counted out six hundred dollars, and handed the rest back to me.

Just when I was wondering why she had left me so much, she said,

“I’ll use this six hundred to pay your sister’s tuition and buy medicine for your dad and me. Send your sister a thousand dollars for spending money. Keep the remaining two hundred for yourself. Buy something nice. You shouldn’t deprive yourself.”

I almost laughed.

I had been imagining things. How could she possibly leave me that much money?

Maybe she noticed my unhappiness, because Mom frowned.

“What’s with that expression? Are you upset that I’m using your money?

“You should know that I only need medicine because of you. If I hadn’t gotten sick giving birth to you…”

I silently finished the rest of her sentence in my head. Every word was exactly what I expected.

“And don’t complain about your sisters using your money. You’re family. They’ll remember your kindness. One day, you’ll benefit from them too.”

I almost laughed again.

When it came to empty promises, Mom was number one.

Maybe my little sister would help me someday. I didn’t know.

But my older sister? Considering how she had treated me since childhood, I didn’t dare hope for anything.

I took a deep breath. My chest felt painfully tight.

I was tired of listening to her ramble, so I left.

Behind me, I heard her make a phone call.