Chapter 4

When I was little, I had a high fever. Everyone said my brain got fried and I became stupid.

That's why my parents sent me to the countryside.

But I know I'm not stupid at all!

I have a really, really good memory!

Later, when I was brought back from the countryside to the city, I tried hard to make my parents not send me away again.

I studied hard, sleeping only four hours a day.

I finally ranked first in my grade.

Excitedly, I brought my report card home. My parents were indeed happy.

They even made a huge table full of dishes.

But the whole time, no one noticed.

I didn't eat a single bite.

Because every dish had chili peppers—Ruth's favorite.

And I would break out in red rashes if I ate them.

I watched Mom smile and kiss Ruth's forehead, praising her delicate skin.

Like a peeled egg.

I secretly touched my own face. Bumpy and uneven, covered in acne.

So I desperately applied things to my face.

Sometimes my cheeks would ulcerate, itching unbearably.

After struggling for a while, I finally got a bit prettier. Boys even started pursuing me.

But Mom still never noticed the change.

Until one day I was cornered in an alley by some thugs and came home crying with my clothes disheveled.

Before I could say anything, Mom scolded me harshly:

"Fran! Didn't your teacher teach you about decency and shame?"

She looked at me with exhausted eyes.

"This is the city, not some rural village."

"At such a young age, if you don't respect yourself, are you trying to corrupt Ruth?"

But Mom.

I just wanted you to kiss my forehead too.

Like when I was little.

Back then, even if I just had a nightmare, it would scare Mom so much she couldn't sleep all night.

Dad would stay by my side too, telling me stories all night long.

I racked my brain but couldn't figure out why things had changed.

Maybe I really am that stupid, unlikable.

After accepting this fact, I got sick.

Every night I wanted to kill myself.

My hair fell out in clumps. The smell of meat made me want to vomit.

The high school entrance exam scores came out.

My first-in-grade performance had plummeted to barely qualifying for vocational school.

My parents looked at me with both helplessness and complexity.

They comforted me: "You were never that smart anyway. We don't expect you to do well in school."

Then they turned around and treated Ruth even better.

At every meal, Ruth would complain: "Dad and Mom favor Fran! They only put food on my plate. They want to fatten me up like a pig!"

When I went to vocational school, people gossiped behind my back.

So my parents paid to get Ruth into the city's best high school and hired a premium tutor for her at thirty thousand a month.

"The Faulkner family's daughter is no worse than anyone else. Our family will definitely produce a college graduate!"

On my birthday.

They said they had to work overtime and couldn't send me a gift.

But on Ruth's birthday, they flew back overnight from thousands of miles away just to give her an expensive, beautiful princess dress.

"Happy fourteenth birthday to our princess Ruth! Baby wants to go to the beach for vacation, right? We'll take you during winter break in a few days."

The moment she blew out the birthday candles, I suddenly couldn't breathe.

I rushed back to my bedroom in a panic.

The door blocked sound, but it couldn't block out the happy laughter of Dad, Mom, and Ruth outside.

Curled up under the blanket, I dug my nails into the mottled scars on my wrist.

The old ones hadn't healed yet, and new ones were bleeding.

Just like my illness, it would never get better.

...

I came back to consciousness from the suffocating feeling of drowning. The surgery was over.

I don't know how much time had passed.

Suddenly a crisp female voice rang out:

"Dad, Mom, I heard you found Fran! I rushed back overnight to see her!"

"Is Fran okay?"

That voice came to my ear, full of self-reproach.

"I'm sorry, it's all my fault. Fran, wake up quickly. Hit me, yell at me—I'll accept it!"

All the blood in my body flowed backward.